To recap: To deal with your feelings, first be aware of what you’re feeling. Second, accept all of your feelings. They are your reality. Feelings are not good or bad. They just are. They might not feel great but they are still your reality.
Does accepting your feelings mean that you are powerless over them and oh, well, that’s just the way it is? Of course not. There are lots of things you can do once you’re aware of what you’re feeling. Therapy these days is pretty big on Cognitive-Behavioral therapy. That’s a fancy name for the belief that your thoughts create your feelings. Which is generally true.
Ask yourself what you’re feeling right now. Then take a look at what you’re thinking. There is a direct correlation between your thinking and your feelings. What’s called “Stinking thinking” creates painful feelings. So if you’re feeling guilty, unhappy, sad, frustrated, angry or anxious, take a look at your thoughts. I can guarantee that your thoughts are directly related to your feelings and are creating your feelings.
The problem with Cognitive-Behavioral theory is twofold: 1) It’s notoriously difficult to change our thoughts and 2) Much of what we believe is subconscious and we can’t change what we aren’t aware of. (Awareness is everything. Actually perception is everything but you can’t change your perceptions until you’re aware of them.)
So what can you do if you’re upset, anxious, depressed, frustrated or angry? We’ll talk about the options next time.
By the way, if you are dealing with any feelings that put you or others at any kind of risk, seek professional help immediately. These blog posts are directed at those individuals who are dealing with “everyday” feelings that arise as a normal part of life. Be responsible for yourself and the choices you make.
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Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com