Author: Anne Pustil (Page 6 of 8)

I was at a workshop many years ago when the trainer challenged us to not complain about anything for at least a week. I don’t remember having taken him up on the challenge in any serious way back then.

I volunteered at a charity golf tournament yesterday. I do a few of those every summer. It’s one of the ways I give back to my community. They are a lot of fun, there’s always tons of great food and almost everyone is happy because it’s (usually) a day spent in the sun playing.

But (you knew there was a “but”!), this is Vancouver, B.C. and it rained. The entire day. Every minute.  Vancouver is definitely one of the most beautiful cities in the world. It’s green and blooming all year.  Because it rains. A lot. I know of many people who moved here from other parts of Canada and moved back home after several months because they would rather have the serious cold and the sun than the warmer weather and the rain.

So a frequent complaint in Vancouver is about the rain. But the amazing thing yesterday was that almost everyone who signed up for the golf tournament showed up in great spirits and had a great day.

Not one of the golfers complained about the rain. Or the fact that it wasn’t very warm.

But one person did complain – about the rain and a lot of other things. After a while, I was really aware of the fact that I was in a hurry to end our conversations because of her complaining.  I knew it was raining. I was out there, too. She also thought that someone had stolen her umbrella and she would never see it again. (C’mon, it’s a charity golf tournament!) I assured her that someone had likely taken it by mistake – or borrowed it – and would return it. And sure enough there it was back in the clubhouse at the end of the tournament.

In any case, I wanted to end all conversation with her as quickly as possible. I started to think about how much we complain and how our complaining affects us and other people. The dictionary defines complain as “to express dissatisfaction, resentment; to find fault; to lament a condition or wrong”.

So I am making a commitment to be aware of my complaining attitude and talk and to banish complaining from my life every day for a week beginning today, Sunday, June 5th. Both inner and outer complaints. The ones I dump on other people and the ones I repeat inside my own head that bring me down and make me even crankier when something happens that doesn’t please me.

And guess what? You’re invited. I will post on my blog every day for the week and let you know how I’m doing, how it feels to catch myself complaining, to stop myself before I “share” my complaints with other people and how others are reacting.

What do you say? Are you up for this? Leave comments on my blog to let me know that you’re involved and how you’re doing. I’m committing to you that I will post every day for a week how my non-complaining journey is going.

Oh, and one more thing. When someone else complains to me, I will either not join in or I will let them know what I’m up to. Either way, I will see what happens.

C’mon – take the plunge with me. You can’t fail, but you just might make some interesting discoveries about yourself and your life.

I’ll explain the newsletter’s subject line “I’m not complaining, I’m just being realistic” on Monday’s blog.

See you there.

What do you want?  Can you see it?  Can you feel what it will be like to have it?

If you don’t think the LOA is working for you, ask yourself these questions:

1) Am I clear about what I want?  Clarity is crucial.  Have you ever been to a restaurant when you’re really hungry and you can’t decide what you want to eat?  If you can’t give the waiter a specific order, you’re not going to get anything at all.

2) Is it OK for me to have it?  Feelings of guilt or not deserving what you want will either prevent you from having it or you will sabotage yourself once you have it.

3) What feelings will I have when I am successful?  Visualization is a mighty powerful tool to help you create in your mind’s eye first.  While you are playing with creating what you want as an inner experience allow yourself to feel the feelings you will have when you are successful.  Be silly and playful with this.  Will you feel happy, elated, joyful, content?

And then believe, believe , believe.  Get on with the rest of your life, take lots of inspired action and see what happens.

Remember when you’re sitting around complaining about what you don’t want in your life, as Michael Losier says, ask yourself what you do want instead.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

I hear that from many clients.  Doesn’t matter how old they are.

Adults:  “I don’t feel like exercising.”  “It’s too hard to give up drinking.”  “I don’t feel like telling my son that I appreciate his positive behavior when I’m this angry at him.”  “It’s too hard to market my business, shift my perceptions, do the mirror exercise, tell the truth and anyway I don’t feel like it.”

Teens:  “I don’t feel like washing the dishes.  And anyway it’s too hard to do by myself.”  (Yes, I heard that said by a teen whose parents want her to wash the dishes – and they have a dishwasher!)  “I don’t feel like working.  I want to have the summer off.”  “I don’t feel like doing my homework, respecting my teachers, walking to the bus, cleaning my room.”

Children:  “I don’t feel like it” is expected from children because they are often driven by their impulses and feelings.  Their brains haven’t developed enough for them to stop and think about the consequences of their behavior.

The real issue here is that our feelings are not guides to action.  I have said this before in this blog, but this is so important that I’m talking about it again.

Listen up:  Pay attention to your feelings.  Absolutely.  Awareness  of your feelings is critical for joy and success in your life.  Your feelings are your inner compass.

But just like a compass on a boat, the compass doesn’t tell the boat where to go or how to get there.  That depends on your destination and your choice of the route.  Your feelings give you information about how you are being affected by someone or something.  But your feelings give you no information about what to do about the situation.  That decision might take creativity, objectivity, intuition, boldness, compassion, understanding and ALWAYS an awareness of your destination or goal in this particular situation.  What outcome do you want here?  You decide and then choose the route (your actions) that will take you there.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

One of the things that affects our thoughts and feelings is what has been called the Inner Gremlin, the Little Voice and the Inner Critic.  This Gremlin might be little but it has a powerful effect on our lives.

The Gremlin is that inner voice that criticizes us, nags us, threatens us, scares us, badgers us, judges us, tells us after the fact what we should have said or done, focuses on the negatives in our lives and makes unhappy predictions about our future.  It always knows what we should have done differently.

The Gremlin is that constant, never-ending nagging barrage of lectures that we give ourselves about how wrong we were or are and that our very lives are doomed at every moment because we are so incapable and incompetent.

Our inner Gremlin is just waiting for us to make a mistake and then it pounces.  Criticizing us and lecturing us about how we should have done things differently or said this or said that.  And then it predicts the future and tells us that we’ll never do anything right or never be successful or get what we want.

How do you know when your inner critic is in charge?  Like everything else, you can’t change what you’re not aware of so the first step is awareness.

Do you ever say things to yourself such as:

• I’m a loser.
• Nothing good will ever happen to me.
• I can’t do anything right.
• That was a stupid thing to say.
• Why can’t I be more successful, richer, better looking, smarter, thinner, etc.?

Did you notice that these sound just like the negative beliefs that we talked about in my last newsletter?

Listen up: Pay attention to the voice of your Inner Gremlin.  Really your Gremlin is a bully.  But it doesn’t mean to be.  The truth is that the Gremlin is trying to protect you.  It’s the voice of fear.

Your mind’s primary job is your survival.  So your Gremlin is working furiously all the time to make sure that you survive which means that it’s trying to keep you safe.  It will do its best no matter what it takes to keep you safe.  Even if that means putting you down.

What can you do?  You can thank your Gremlin for sharing its thoughts and fears.  You can let the Gremlin know that you appreciate its concerns.  You can tell the Gremlin that you’re handling things and it can relax.

You can use EFT/tapping to deal with your fears, discouragement and other feelings.
But the most important place to start is by being aware of what the Gremlin is saying to you and how it’s affecting you and your life.  So when you’re not feeling great about yourself or you’re feeling embarrassed or ashamed or inadequate, you can be pretty certain that your Inner Critic is running your show.  It’s time to show him/her who’s the boss.

You can also read Taming Your Gremlin and A Master Class in Gremlin-Taming by Rick Carson, Little Voice Mastery by Blair Singer, Embracing Your Inner Critic by Hal and Sidra Stone.

What are limiting beliefs?  Do you know what your limiting beliefs are?

Limiting beliefs are thoughts we have about ourselves, life and other people that are often subconscious and that affect us, our expectations, how we live and our results.  If you want to know how your limiting beliefs are affecting you, look at your life.

If you want to know how your negative thoughts are affecting you, pay attention to your feelings.  You might know that you have anywhere from 60,000 to 85,000 thoughts a day.  (Who counted?!)  It’s obviously impossible to keep track of every one of your thoughts.  But you can get important information by paying attention to your feelings – especially your really strong negative feelings.

Your thoughts create your feelings so when you are really angry or really upset or feeling really badly about yourself or really frustrated, become aware of what you’re thinking.  Awareness is always the first step to change so stop what you’re doing and acknowledge what you’re feeling.  Without judgment.  Get a pen and a piece of paper and take a few deep breaths.  Then write down whatever you’re thinking right at that moment.

Uncensored.  Be real with yourself.  You might think it’s not pretty or kind or spiritual, but allow it to be what it is.  Don’t even stop to think about it.  Just write whatever comes to you in the moment.

Your thoughts and perceptions about whatever is happening have created your feelings.  Those negative thoughts or limiting beliefs are what are running your life and creating the outcomes that you have.

If you often feel as though you’re struggling and hitting a wall in your life, your limiting beliefs are holding you back.  Beliefs such as:

• I’ll never do anything right.
• Nothing ever works out for me.
• Who am I to think that I can be really successful?
• Life’s too hard.
• Being rich isn’t spiritual.
• Rich people are lucky.  I’m never lucky.

Take some time and write down your limiting beliefs and negative thoughts over the next few days.  It’s critical information and the necessary place to start to create the life of your dreams.

If you’re not sure what you’re feeling when you’re overeating, it might help to talk to someone else about it.  A therapist or coach should be able to help you understand what is pushing you to eat.

Some of the feelings you might be dealing with through compulsive eating include:  boredom, guilt, anxiety, anger, sadness, loneliness, emptiness, shame.  In other words, any negative or unwanted feeling can be pushed aside by eating.

Know that you don’t have to resolve your feelings.  Just start by feeling them.  Acknowledge them.  “Oh, hello, emptiness.  It’s you again.  I feel so empty because my ex-husband is already involved with someone else and here I am sitting at home by myself on a Saturday night.”  That’s acknowledgment.  “Oh, hello, emptiness.  I’m such a loser because my ex is in a wonderful new relationship and I’m sitting at home.  Nothing will ever work out in my life.”  That’s not acknowledgment.  That’s self-mutilation.

Here’s another example.  “Oh, hello, anxiety.  Yes, I’m anxious about the talk I have to give at work, but I’ll prepare and practise it and I’ll be just fine even if I’m nervous.”  That’s acknowledgment.  This is not acknowledgment:  “Oh, hello, anxiety.  When am I going to grow up and act like an adult?  I can’t believe that I’m nervous about the presentation I have to do at work.”

Get the idea?  Now you try.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

It is sometimes hard for us to make changes in our lives when we aren’t sure what the change will feel like.  How do you feel about being thinner, healthier, in shape?  How do you really see yourself?

Is your weight protecting you somehow?  Keeping you safe?  How would the significant people in your life feel about you and what would they say to you if you lost weight?  Who wouldn’t like it?  Who might be threatened?

Making a significant change in ourselves or our lives leaves us open to feedback from the people whose opinion of us can affect us the most.  Knowing what your values and priorities are can guide you to the decisions and choices that will help you create a fulfilling and happy life.  No matter what anyone else thinks.  That last sentence – if we’re really honest with ourselves, that’s tough stuff.

No matter what anyone else thinks.  Do you like, trust and respect yourself enough to live according to your visions, passions, dreams and desires?

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

I was just talking with a friend who is going through a difficult and very stressful time in her life.  She said that she knows that she is eating to comfort herself and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it so that she doesn’t gain a lot of weight.

I suggested first of all that being aware in the moment is crucial to dealing with eating for comfort.  Right when she finds herself at the refrigerator or the cupboard to sit down, take a deep breath and ask herself what she’s feeling.  And then to let herself feel her feelings without thinking that she has to know how to resolve them.

Simply allowing yourself to experience your feelings without judgment or panic or condemnation is an enormous step.  Start to become friends with your feelings.  They’re yours.  They’re real.  They are your inner compass giving you a message about your life or a person or situation in your life and your experience of it.  (See my 7-part posts on feelings.)

You can run from your feelings, but you can’t hide.  If you’re not aware of your feelings and not dealing with them, I can guarantee that they are running your life.  Stop running and get acquainted with your inner self.  It will absolutely change your life.

So, as always, the first step in any issue is to be aware of what’s going on for you.  It might take some time to stop yourself in the moment before you eat for comfort.  That’s OK.  Give yourself some time to master this process.  More suggestions on this issue tomorrow.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

A transition happens anytime there is a change in your life – whether it is created by you or it happens to you.  (The argument about whether we create everything in our lives is a topic for another discussion.)

Transitions can be very scary – which is one reason why we humans so tenaciously resist change.  During a transition we often feel as though we aren’t anywhere in particular.  We haven’t landed yet, so we don’t feel grounded and that just increases our anxiety.

We also often don’t know exactly what’s next and our monkey minds don’t like not knowing.  But knowing that being in a transition can feel like being nowhere can help to ease our anxiety so that we stop pushing ourselves to figure it out as quickly as possible so that we can be somewhere and feel OK again.

Transitions are uncomfortable for a lot of reasons so we want to get out of them as quickly as possible.  Know that you don’t have to (and won’t) stay in this gray zone forever.  It’s just the in-between place before you decide what’s next.  Don’t let your monkey mind push you around.  Your heart and soul are the best guides out of any transition.  As always, what do you want?

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

Many people complain that the Law of Attraction doesn’t work.  I have found that the biggest obstacle to achieving your goals and creating/getting what you want is believing that you don’t deserve or not believing that you do deserve.  (Yes, those are different.)

No matter how hard you work at something or how much you believe in the LOA or visualize what you want, if you don’t really believe that you deserve to have it, you will have a difficult time manifesting it.

That’s why it’s always so important to work on how you feel about yourself first and foremost.  Whether or not you like yourself, believe in yourself and your capabilities and know that you deserve to be happy precedes everything else and determines the quality of your life and your relationships.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com