Category: Blog (Page 7 of 8)

I obviously think that our feelings are important.  This is the 7th blogpost that I am devoting to discussing feelings.  Our feelings are our inner compass, telling us about our inner experience of events and people in our lives.

But feelings are not a guide to action.  It is always up to us to be aware of what we are feeling and then to decide what we want to do.  How you behave might depend on many things, including:  your goals in a particular situation, how you feel about the people involved and how important your relationship is, how healthy, tired or hungry you are or your perspective.

Ask yourself who/what is in charge of your behavior – you or your feelings, you or how other people behave, you or your values and goals.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

I really want you to get that your feelings have messages for you.  They are giving you information about a situation or a person and especially about your life.  The message is up to you.  The message will depend on your perceptions, your experiences, your attitude and who you are.  The information also depends on whether you’re hungry, tired or ill, all of which make us more vulnerable.

So if you are feeling angry or lonely or sad or frustrated in your life right now, what is your feeling trying to say to you?  What information is there for you about your life, this situation, this person?

Notice I didn’t say anything about what to do or how to deal with your feelings.  First, as always, be aware of what you’re feeling and then ask yourself what your feeling is trying to tell you.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

Do you celebrate your accomplishments – no matter how massive or tiny?  Or do you quickly move on to the next project, task or goal?  Do you dwell on your failures wondering what you did wrong – or worse – what’s wrong with you?

My friend, Carolyn, and I were sitting by the water in Vancouver the other day when she commented that many people rarely take the time to really celebrate their successes.

Don’t shrug this one off thinking that it doesn’t really matter.  Remember that what you focus on grows.  So what are you focusing on?

And gratitude is so important.  Are you grateful to yourself for the actions you take on the path to fulfilling your desires?  Do you pat yourself on the back when you step outside your comfort zone and acknowledge how brave and difficult that was?

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

One of the most effective ways to deal with your feelings is with the Emotional Freedom Technique or tapping.  If you tap on some of the same points used for acupuncture or accupressure you can heal your  negative feelings and strengthen your positive feelings.

I knew about EFT years ago, but I thought it was ridiculous.  Until I tried it and experienced how powerful it is.  There’s a wonderful book by Roberta Temes called The Tapping Cure.  She’s a registered psychologist who also didn’t believe in tapping until she successfully used it to treat a client with trauma when nothing else had worked.

There are hordes of EFT and tapping websites and books that describe EFT, show you the tapping points and teach you how to do it.  Start with Carol Look.  She was one of the early adopters of EFT and she is a wonderful teacher of the power of tapping for dealing with many issues as well as creating abundance in your life.  Or find a tapping expert who can work with you and help you heal yourself.

Nick Ortner, who produces the Tapping Summit, sent a video to his list about how tapping has been used to help orphans who were traumatized by the genocide in Rwanda   www.2011tappingworldsummit.com/eft_in_rwanda.html.

If what you’re doing isn’t working, why not try something else?  I use EFT with clients and they have experienced great shifts in their lives as a result.  Email me at [email protected] if you would like more information about working with me.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

To recap:  To deal with your feelings, first be aware of what you’re feeling.  Second, accept all of your feelings.  They are your reality.  Feelings are not good or bad.  They just are.  They might not feel great but they are still your reality.

Does accepting your feelings mean that you are powerless over them and oh, well, that’s just the way it is?  Of course not.  There are lots of things you can do once you’re aware of what you’re feeling.  Therapy these days is pretty big on Cognitive-Behavioral therapy.  That’s a fancy name for the belief that your thoughts create your feelings.  Which is generally true.

Ask yourself what you’re feeling right now.  Then take a look at what you’re thinking.  There is a direct correlation between your thinking and your feelings.  What’s called “Stinking thinking” creates painful feelings.  So if you’re feeling guilty, unhappy, sad, frustrated, angry or anxious, take a look at your thoughts.  I can guarantee that your thoughts are directly related to your feelings and are creating your feelings.

The problem with Cognitive-Behavioral theory is twofold:  1) It’s notoriously difficult to change our thoughts and 2) Much of what we believe is subconscious and we can’t change what we aren’t aware of.  (Awareness is everything.  Actually perception is everything but you can’t change your perceptions until you’re aware of them.)

So what can you do if you’re upset, anxious, depressed, frustrated or angry?  We’ll talk about the options next time.

By the way, if you are dealing with any feelings that put you or others at any kind of risk, seek professional help immediately.  These blog posts are directed at those individuals who are dealing with “everyday” feelings that arise as a normal part of life.  Be responsible for yourself and the choices you make.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

Don’t be swayed by anyone who tells you that you always have to be positive.  Avoid the negative.  Put on a happy face.  There’s a time and a place for that advice, but the breadth and depth of life includes both the light and the darkness.  Remember, day and night, winter and summer.

We spend a lot of time denying the dark side of ourselves while often dedicating ourselves to pointing out the darkness in others.  I believe that denying our dark side, our negative feelings, impulses, fantasies, spite, desire for revenge and malicious thoughts can lead us to acting them out.

Being aware of our darkness, accepting it and knowing that it doesn’t define who we are and that we can always choose our actions gives us true freedom to be.

Now go on out there and be your amazing full self.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

As I said in a previous post, the first step in dealing with your feelings is to be aware of what you’re feeling – no matter how uncomfortable the feeling is.  The next step is to stop judging your feelings as good or bad and to stop judging yourself for having a particular feeling.

You might not like the feeling.  Anger, sadness, hopelessness, discouragement and frustration don’t feel good but that doesn’t make them bad.  We also often judge ourselves when we don’t feel good or happy.  It’s these judgments and our desire to run away from our so-called negative feelings that create problems for us and make it impossible for us to successfully navigate our inner world.

Acceptance of all our feelings is critical.  So awareness of what you’re feeling is the first step.  Acceptance is the next step.  Sounds so simple, doesn’t it?  More on that to come.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

My apologies.  I said that I would talk more about feelings and emotional pain the day after my first post on emotional pain.  But I have been dealing with a family emergency since then so I haven’t had a chance to post.

It’s always about priorities, isn’t it?  My blog is a priority, but my family is a greater priority.

Do you frequently ask yourself, “Does this really matter to me?”  This being what you are thinking about, doing, obsessing over.  Or is there something else that’s more meaningful to you, that makes your heart sing, that is on your to-do or to-be list that you’ll get to when:  you have more time, the kids are grown up, you figure out what you want to do with your life, you retire, you get rich, you find your soulmate, you lose weight, you get in shape…

What are your priorities?

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil,http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

Our feelings are messages.  They give us information.  Emotional pain gives us information, just as physical pain gives us information.  When you break your leg, it hurts.  That pain is giving you a message:  PAY ATTENTION.  THERE IS SOMETHING IMPORTANT GOING ON HERE THAT NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION.  IGNORE THIS PAIN AT YOUR RISK.

So you go to the doctor or hospital and get your leg looked after.  Emotional pain gives us the same message:  PAY ATTENTION.  THERE IS SOMETHING IMPORTANT GOING ON HERE THAT NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION.  IGNORE THIS PAIN AT YOUR RISK.

That’s it.  First, always pay attention to what you’re feeling.  Be aware.  More tomorrow.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com

It seems so obvious:  be aware of and acknowledge what’s really going on in our lives.  If it’s so obvious, why do we so often run away from the realities of our lives?  We think we won’t be able to cope, it feels too painful, we aren’t sure what to do to change the situation.

The problem is that denial only prolongs the difficulty and pain.  The very difficulty and pain that we are running from, hoping that it will just go away and resolve itself.

Here’s what I tell my clients and what I do in my life when something seems overwhelming:  Stop, Breathe and Allow.

Stop running.  Close your eyes and breathe.  Whatever it is – allow your feelings.  Be aware of them and feel them.  Know that, in this moment, you don’t have to resolve the situation, your only task right now is to be aware of your feelings and to feel them.  Be present for yourself and your life.

The only way to get over anything is to go through it.  More on this tomorrow.

Please feel free to share this or any post and please credit Anne Pustil, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com/blog Thank you.

Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com