Don’t ignore your complaining. There’s important information there for you. Behind every complaint there’s a feeling. Are you dissatisfied with something in your life? Are you frustrated by someone or a particular situation? Do you feel hurt or betrayed? Are you stressed out and overwhelmed?
The purpose of this challenge isn’t to get rid of complaining. We’re doing this so that you can learn more about yourself and what drives you so that you can get back in the driver’s seat in your life.
Once you’re aware that you are complaining about something see if there’s a pattern. Do you tend to complain about the same person or the same issue in your life again and again? If so, that’s great that you’re aware of it!
Now ask yourself what the feeling is behind those complaints. Then go one step further back and ask yourself what your beliefs are that are creating those feelings that are leading to your complaining behavior. Once you can access those thoughts and beliefs, then you have something you can deal with.
For example, let’s say that you are having dinner with some friends at a restaurant. Everyone is enjoying their dinner, but your meal is tasteless, cold or just isn’t what you were hoping for. You complain to your friends (or keep it to yourself). You feel frustrated because you are really hungry, you heard that this was a great restaurant and you have been looking forward to this meal all day. You’re also disappointed. Later you realize that you have the belief that “Nothing ever works out for me. Other people get what they want, but not me.”
I worked with a client who always complained about her sister. No matter what Beth did, Marcy complained about it. (All names changed to protect the innocent.) As Marcy became aware of the feelings behind her complaints about Beth, she was able to discover her beliefs that were creating those feelings. Marcy was angry because she believed that their mother spoiled Beth but had high expectations of Marcy. As we worked on her beliefs, Marcy was able to change her relationships with her mother and Beth and ultimately stopped complaining about Beth.
How are you doing? Are you becoming more aware of when you complain and what it’s about?
Write down your complaints. Then ask yourself what you’re feeling. Allow your feelings to come up as you think about whatever it is that you are complaining about. Then write down your thoughts about the person or situation. Now you’ll know what your beliefs are. That’s what’s really driving your complaints.
OK, what can you do instead of complaining? We’ll talk about that tomorrow.
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Copyright Anne Pustil 2011, http://www.CoachingInANutshell.com